Many of us will experience some sort of personal loss at some point in our lives.  It may take a while for that sense of loss to hit us; other times it will hit us in the gut almost immediately.  The loss I have experienced this year, the one that seems to be hitting me in the gut right now, is the loss of a job.  On January 7^th, 2015, I was brought into a small conference room, outside of my work floor, and was told, that because of the loss of some major clients, after 19 years of employment, I was being let go.  I did not react too well to the news, at first.  And truth be told, my boss was not too happy over the situation either; he was known to try to retain the workforce by all means possible.  Still the realities of the business situation had forced their hands.  We went over the severance package, which was generous; and outplacement services that would be put at my disposal.  Now, because of the security requirements our clients have demanded of the company, I was not allowed back to my desk.  So I was escorted to the elevators, given a handshake, and that was that.

Now, let me say again, the company staff has been very supportive; my personal items were boxed and shipped back to me.  And they have been very helpful in clearing up some difficulties with my unemployment insurance.  But still, after 19 years, I found myself without any place to go in the morning.  I have been doing the usual things one does, when one is freshly unemployed.  I registered with the Commonwealth’s Unemployment Assistance office.  I registered with a career placement agency.  I worked with the outplacement specialist, who helped me retool my resume, and gave me a set of form letters, each covering a specific stage of the job search.  And I have been looking.

However, up till now, I have not been in touch with my feelings about this situation.  That is, till now, when we got this writing prompt about loss, and all of a sudden it hit me, right in the gut.  (Thanks a lot Blogging U.!)  So now, the depression, the fear, and all the anxiety; yep, right there, right in front of me!  Or I should say, right inside of me.  More about this in my future blog posts.