Most High, Glorious God,
Enlighten the darkness of my heart,
And give me true faith, certain hope,
And perfect charity, sense, and knowledge,
Lord, that I may carry out
Your holy and true command.
(Prayer before the San Damiano Cross – Saint Francis of Assisi)
Once a month, I go into Boston, MA, for a meeting with my spiritual director; who is a Franciscan friar at St. Anthony Shrine on Arch St. I was crossing that street, on my way for my July session, when I ran into two of my former co-workers. We exchanged pleasantries; I learned that the company was still having a rough time of it. We said our goodbyes, and I entered the Shrine. Now this all took place on July 7th, I was entering the seventh month of unemployment. I have been sending electronic job applications, three to six of them on a weekly basis. To date, I have had two telephone interviews, each lasting, on average, about fifteen minutes. I have been to several job fairs, left resumes with prospective employers; never heard anything back. Life is getting a little “interesting.”
Usually, when I enter the first floor chapel of the Shrine, I go to the left side, where the tabernacle with the Blessed Sacrament. That day I went to the right side of the chapel, where in the sanctuary is a statue of St. Francis of Assisi, praying before a large representation of the San Damiano cross. The original cross was in the Assisian chapel of San Damiano, where a young Francis went to pray. The origins of the cross are shrouded in mystery, but it is made in the Byzantine icon style. Praying before the cross, Francis heard the voice of Jesus speaking from the cross: “Francis, rebuild my church!” The rest, as they say, is history!
I seated myself before the large replica of the San Damiano cross, and began to pray, saying over and over the Jesus Prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” I was focused on the face of the Crucified Jesus. I was drawn to the eyes, which are unique. I cannot describe the experience, only to say that at that moment, I was in a different space. The anxieties, the concerns, the worries, suddenly disappeared from my consciousness, if only for a moment in time. A light dispelled the darkness that was in my heart.
Many of us, perhaps most of us, when times get tough, will pray to God for some kind of miracle that will solve all of our problems. Usually we are hoping the Lord will influence the interviewer, or we will win the Lottery! And miracles can happen, will happen, and does happen! But what we can really hope; what we need to be aware of is that we are never alone. We may be carrying a burden, but we do not carry it alone. Jesus calls us to take up our crosses daily, and follow him. The One who carried his cross to Calvary, knows our suffering, knows what pains, and fears weigh us down. He is walking with us, encouraging us onward. His Spirit is within us, filling us with peace, with hope. We need only to keep our hearts; our souls open to that light. And hear Jesus assure us, that over that dark hill of Calvary, a new dawn does await us!
The farmhand walks through the Italian woods, heading for home. His body aches from his labors; his heart aches because he will barely feed his family with what he earned today. In the twilight, he is passing by an abandoned farmhouse, when he hears the sound of chanting, coming from it. He peers in, and sees a group of men, dressed in brown robes, kneeling on the dirt floor. They circle a little thin man, who is leading them in prayer. The farmhand sees a glow of light emanating from him, touching the others, touching him. He experiences great peace.
retreat. This year’s retreat was held at Saint Edmund’s Retreat Center, on Enders Island, Mystic, CT. Our retreat director was Father William Murphy, who is on the staff of St. Pope John XXIII National Seminary, MA.
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Musings From St. Anthony's Walnut Tree 